3. Dirt Road Stories: You Can’t Stay here

 

trailer

I.

First and foremost,

You can’t stay here

Tonight

Love is a promise we don’t have a say in.

 

So you can’t stay here

Tonight

I’m up in my feels

So I’m not (t)here.

 

And you can’t stay here

Tonight

I’m having guests over.

 

Accordingly, you can’t stay here

Tonight

The trash needs to be taken out

I haven’t left the house in (3) days.

 

((I need you to stay here                                (I don’t want you to stay here

Tonight                                                            Tonight

You’re home)                                                  I have to get out of the house))

 

Does this make sense:

You can’t stay here?

 

 

I.V

That’s not how it happened.

In some ways that’s what it felt like,

But anyway…

 

II

Think: Grown-ups blaming their problems on kids.

Think: Screaming.

Think: Shoving.

Think: Shoving back.

 

Think: “How old are you?”

“Sixteen”

“Two more years”

 

Think: A stroll down Eggshell Lane on a Sunday afternoon.

 

Don’t think.

 

Think: Lock and Load.

 

Thank the friend with a car.

Leave.

 

Because you can’t stay here

Because you’re supposed to do better for yourself

Because it’s not your fault

Because what’s two years?

 

And when it’s two weeks later

And they say you can stay here

But no one noticed you weren’t there

 

II.V.

*Sigh

And so you spend some time looking for glasses that will let you look directly at the sun.

 

Precious skull

Savage gray matter

AmIrite?

 

II.LXXV.

Home Cradle Origin Feral Address Residence (but) Feral Source Flat Cottage (still) Feral Apartment House Dwelling Feral

 

III.

Don’t you just love the Thesaurus? Now it’s online: Pick a word, any word!

 

Right before I left the dirt road I got a tattoo…It must’ve been my third…Maybe second? My first tattoo was a tramp stamp…This tat though, this butterfly has floated on my lower back for ten years now and it still shocks me in the shower.

 

This second or third tattoo is the Chinese symbol for “laugh.” I figured I’ll never learn Chinese. I figured we all understood laughter. It’s good.

 

“But you don’t know Chinese. What if that means pancake?!” They laughed.

So you see how things change.

IV.

And so you see, you can’t stay here

Tonight

I’m thinking too much.

 

Subsequently, you can’t stay here

Tonight

I know enough to know I don’t know,

And I have made no efforts to learn Chinese.

 

Because you can’t stay here

Tonight

I’m gonna figure it out.

 

Because you can’t stay here

Tonight

I’m asking/make/telling/pleading you to walk out.

 

IV.V.

There’s the rub. It changes…But in the wrong direction sometimes…Or maybe we’re not to the point that any of this makes sense.

“Chaos is just an order we haven’t figured out yet.”

-Some important person, but more eloquently

-Some drunk person at a bar, but more slurred

-Some kid in an intro philosophy class

-Someone who doesn’t force reason into life anymore

[Now it’s online: Pick a reference, any reference!]

 

V.

You can’t stay here

Tonight

This is all just too inconclusive.

 

Today’s Inspiration

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